


break us (remake us)

by TurquoiseTerrier



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, M/M, More angst, just lots of angst okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-28 21:17:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11426361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TurquoiseTerrier/pseuds/TurquoiseTerrier
Summary: He's sitting on the sofa. Numb. Aaron's upstairs; packing a bag. Going to stay at the pub, he'd said.Easier, he'd said.





	break us (remake us)

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is like, never going to happen but hey, what the hell.
> 
> Angsty as hell too so yeah. Consider that fair warning. Vague allusion to self harm but it's so brief you'll probably not notice it.
> 
> Also, this is 100000000% Sabrina's (port_in_a_storm) fault. I may have had the idea, but she made me write it. So blame her. :P

He's sitting on the sofa. Numb. Aaron's upstairs; packing a bag. Going to stay at the pub, he'd said.

Easier, he'd said.

The real reason went unspoken. The fact that Aaron has lots of places to run to, plenty of places to stay if he needs to.

The only place Robert has is currently occupied by the reason for this whole mess in the first place.

Part of it, anyway. He's just as much to blame and he knows it.

Hates himself for it.

Basically, Robert has no-where to go, so he's staying put. In the house that's owned by his husband and his sister-in-law (he doesn't know if his name is on the deeds, he's never asked), because he doesn't have enough people who care about him to give him a place to sleep when he needs it.

Story of his life, really.

Aaron thumps back down the spiral staircase, bag in hand. He glances at Robert quickly on his way to the door, has his hand on the handle when Robert can't take it anymore. 

“Don't leave me,” he says quietly. He's not sure that Aaron's heard him, not at first. The younger man freezes, hand on the door. Ready to leave. Seconds pass like centuries until Aaron slowly, oh so slowly takes his hand from the door, lets his bag drop to the floor.

Turns to face Robert.

Their eyes meet across the room. The love he still feels for Aaron overwhelms him.

The hatred towards himself does the same thing.

There's tears in Aaron's eyes. Tears he's caused.

He's made Aaron cry far too many times.

He doesn't deserve Aaron, he knows that. But he's selfish. He loves Aaron far too much to ever be truly able to let him go. He would, of course he would if it was what Aaron wanted but if that happened... he knew he'd never get over it.

The one person he wanted to be with, just for them.

He has to try. He has to. He can't let Aaron go without a fight.

Aaron had called it a break. Just some time apart, to get them both sorted out. Robert wanted to believe that, he really did but part of him, a large, dark part of his mind had taken over. Whispering softly into his head that Aaron was really just softening the blow. Letting him down gently.

Aaron hasn't moved, but he's frowning and Robert knows this might be his only chance. He shifts quickly, dropping to his knees in front of Aaron.

If begging is what it takes, then he'll do it. Anything for Aaron. Anything.

“Please, don't go,” he starts, babbling. “I'll be better, I promise. I won't let you down again. I'll pay her off, I'll keep away from the baby, I'll never even look in Rebecca's direction ever again. She won't exist, I'll pretend she doesn't exist. I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you Aaron, just... just please give me another chance.” He sniffs. “Please?” His face is wet, eyes stinging. Aaron shifts, and Robert panics. Wrapping his arms around Aaron's legs he buries his face in his husband's stomach. Mumbling desperate pleas for Aaron not to go, he clings on tight.

He's not sure how long they stay like that, before he feels Aaron's hands pushing at his shoulders gently, peeling him off. Pushing him away.

He keeps his eyes closed, hears Aaron's footsteps moving away from him.

Crumples into a heap, sobbing silently into his hands.

Jumps when a hand touches his shoulder moments later.

It's Aaron, holding out a glass of water. He hadn't left after all.

Hope rises in Robert's gut, and he takes the glass. Sips it slowly, feeling himself calming down a little.

Aaron sits on the floor next to him, Robert hyper-aware of where their shoulders are touching. He's too scared to meet Aaron's gaze. Too afraid that he'll see the hatred he deserves reflected back at him.

Eventually, Aaron reaches out to him. Turns his head gently, forces him to meet his eyes. Robert's surprised to see only love there, and more tears spill without meaning to. He wipes at his eyes furiously, trying to hide the pain.

He can't be weak. He has to be the strong one.

Aaron sighs, pulls him in close until he's resting against Aaron's chest, the younger mans chin digging into his scalp. Aaron's arms are firmly wrapped around his shoulders and Robert takes the opportunity to slide his own around Aaron's waist.

This might be the last hug he ever gets from Aaron. He needs to make the most of it. 

“I'm sorry,” he mumbles into Aaron's hoodie.

“What for?” Aaron asks.

Robert doesn't know. Can't pinpoint one specific thing, there's too much that he needs to apologise for. “Everything?” He tries. “Cheating on you...” he says next.

“Already forgave you for that one.”

“Yeah, but that changed, didn't it?” Robert says. “Circumstances... they aren't the same now.”

“Let's not,” Aaron replies. Robert, all too aware of the fresh bandages hiding under Aaron's t-shirt, changes track.

“For not being good enough,” is his next apology.

He feels Aaron's frown. “What? You are good enough Robert, don't say that.”

“I'm not.” Robert shifts closer. If he could climb inside Aaron right now he would. He needs the safety. Everything... it's too much. Aaron's safe. He always has been.

“Course you are. Wouldn't have kept coming back to ya, wouldn't have married ya if you weren't, idiot.”

Robert frowns. No-one's ever really told him that before. “But...”

“No buts.” Aaron says firmly. “You're good enough for me Robert, and that's all that matters.”

Robert chews on his lip, a habit he seems to have picked up from Aaron. “You... you really mean that?”

Aaron sighs, presses a kiss to his hair. “Of course I do. I love ya, you know I do.”

“Then why are you leaving me?”

Aaron takes a deep breath. “Cause I thought... I thought it was for the best. I thought it was what I needed, what we needed.” He pauses. “We were falling apart, Robert. Both of us.”

Robert chews his lip some more. “I've failed you.”

“No, Robert. You haven't.”

“I cheated on you. I broke my vows to you.”

“So did I.”

“What I did... I can't forgive myself for it Aaron, I can't.” He shakes his head no.

“Then let me forgive you.”

“Again?”

“Again.”

“People...”

“Don't forgive you, I know.” Aaron interrupts. “But I do,” he continues, echoing their words from weeks prior. “Haven't you hated yourself enough for this, hmm?”

Robert shrugs, and Aaron holds him even closer.

“Look, you can't change the past and you can't change what's out of our hands, okay?” Aaron tells him. “But you can change the future. Will you do that for me?”

“Anything.” Robert agrees quickly, turning his head to meet Aaron's gaze. “I won't see the baby, won't see her, whatever it takes to fix this, us.”

Aaron sighs heavily. “I don't want you to do that, Robert.”

“You don't?” Robert replies, confused.

“No. This kid... it exists. Can't change that, and I won't ever ever make you choose between us. We'll... we'll work something out. We'll have to.” He pauses. “I need you to promise two things for me though, okay?”

“Anything.”

“Promise me that you'll stop lying. You'll tell me the truth, no matter how hard you think it might be for me to hear, okay?” Aaron says, voice calm yet firm. “And we're getting you to a counsellor. Don't argue with me,” he interjects when Robert opens his mouth. “You need it, and you're going to try it.”

Robert nods. “So... you'll give me another chance?”

Aaron nods. “Yeah.”

Robert clings to Aaron, burying his head in the younger man's chest. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. You won't regret this, I promise.”

Aaron shifts them so Robert is curled against his chest properly, Aaron's cheek on top of his head. “I know. I won't.”

Robert closes his eyes, feeling properly settled for the first time in months.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr! [TurquoiseTerrier](http://turquoiseterrier.tumblr.com) Come say hello! :)


End file.
